Lament for Gandalf
by Ilyusha
Summary: Slash: LegolasxGandalf.  A lament for Gandalf. Legolas muses, but does not have the heart to say, the grief is still all too near.  Written a few years ago and only just now being posted here... procrastinate much?


Disclaimer: As per usual, the good things in life are not mine to have, but belong to someone else... in this case, the great Mr Tolkien. I just borrow them every now and then :)  
Authors Note: Movie-based. Occurred while I was watching FOTR for the, erm, I forget how many times I've watched it now... I just had to write it down. Might be another one from TTT if it leaps at me and grabs me by the throat when I watch it next... Be gentle, first posted fic... Flames welcome though they may dishearten... Burns heal after all...

* * *

I

can still feel him close to me. His smell still lingers on my clothes from where I caught him in Moria. I can smell it with every step I take, as though he is still walking beside me as he did. But he is gone. I wander around these glorious woods with eyes unseeing, my heart grieving.

He is gone.

He turned too soon. I would have run to him had Aragorn not blocked my way. I could do nothing as he grasped for a hold on the ledge. I wanted to but he stopped me, didn't want to risk another member. "Fly you fools" he cried, releasing his grip on the ledge. Then he falls. The dark cavern was filled by the sound of arrows flying through the dark, and Frodo's screams, echoing my heart's own torment.

He is gone.

We stood outside reflecting and catching our breath after the long run out. I was too caught up in my grief and barely caught Aragorn's words to me, the first words spoken outside of Moria. I looked up slowly, barely comprehending what it was he had said to me. Boromir came to my rescue.  
"Give them a moment, for pity's sake." I barely listen to the heated exchange of words, catching my name as he repeated his order for us to rouse the others. Is he so unfeeling? Does he not know how we... how I feel? Then I remember, he doesn't, no-one does.

He is gone.

When we entered these woods, I thought I might find a little peace. I drew an arrow as I heard movement, the only one to draw weapons before we were surrounded. I would have fired except they were my kin. A small smile started to play across my lips as Haldir spoke.  
"The dwarf breathes so loud we could have shot him in the dark." The smile almost reaches my eyes but  
is stopped by a constricting pain across my chest.

He is gone.

We were led before the Lady Galadriel. Her Lord Celeborn was surprised to see only the eight of us and enquired what had happened to Gandalf. Before any of us could answer, Galadriel spoke.  
"He has fallen into shadow"  
"He was taken by both shadow and flame, a Balrog of Morgoth." I replied, the words leaving my lips before I knew what was happening. "For needlessly did we enter Moria." I stayed quiet after that, reflecting on the pain I felt, and still feel. I feel as though I will collapse at any minute. I don't want to be here... not alone.

He is gone.

'Fear not Legolas, son of Thranduil, needless we none of his deeds in life, we know not his full purpose. Rest and find peace within the borders of this land.' I sighed as she spoke to my mind. I can barely stand as I gaze at the floor, letting her thoughts wash over me. 'I fear I cannot my Lady, I will find peace nowhere now.' 'Have hope young elf, we may yet see him again...' I looked up, startled. Why had she said that? She who could see into a person's soul. Did she say that to try and comfort me? I know  
she could feel what I felt, I know she knew... But why torment me?

He is gone.

I walk through where we have set up camp as gracefully as I can manage. My heart sighs at the sound of the soft musical voices all around us. I look up and a ghost of a smile again crosses my lips.  
" A lament for Gandalf."  
"What do they say about him?" one of the haflings stares at me with sad eyes. It may have been Merry, but indeed I think it more likely to be Pippin, he feels the grief as I do... He fears he caused it. I sigh again.  
"I have not the heart to tell you. For me the grief is still too near."

I spend my days with the Fellowship, and the nights on my own, slowly walking through the woods, listening to the trees as they try to comfort me. It worked to a degree, it must have, for as we prepare to leave, I feel more able to laugh and joke. At least on the surface, below is still in turmoil, yet I cannot help smile as I load the boats. The hobbits are deep in conversation, watching me with restless eyes. Placing the green leaves in the boat, I explain...  
"Lembas. Elvish waybread. One small bite is enough to fill the stomach of a grown man." They stop and listen to me and watch as I take a bite, as if to demonstrate. The taste is sweet, reminding me that I have not had enough to eat over the last few days. They wait until I walk off, and ask each other how many they ate. I smile as Pippin gives his answer, followed by a satisfied burp. They do not know I can  
hear. They still do not know how I feel, no-one does. Except Him...

But he is gone.

We sail down the river. I am in the boat with the dwarf, Gimli. We talk quietly, not allowing our voices to drift too far across the still waters. He sighs and says he regrets leaving this place.  
"Henceforth I shall call nothing fairer, less it be her gift to me" I look up intrigued. I have never heard him speak like this before.  
"What was her gift?"  
"I asked her for one hair from her golden head. She gave me three." He sighed and stared out across the water. Long moments pass. "We cannot compare the gifts she gave to the memory of her though" I looked up again, I had thought him lost in thought. "Memory never fades, it is what keeps those who have gone from us from ever leaving us. Remember that Master Elf. Remember the times you two had together." My eyes cloud over. He knows, and he still comforts me. And strangely it works. I find a strange smile  
appearing on my lips as I dip the paddle into the water without breaking rhythm as I think of him.

He is gone...

But he will not be forgotten. For I will love and remember him always.


End file.
